No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
