There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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