thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
