great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
