I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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