found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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