he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
