She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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