All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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