Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
