I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
