im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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