So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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