There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
