lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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