i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
