i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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