you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
