Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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