Who did Billy Mays play for?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
