too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Are we still banned from the library?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
