woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's always time for handjobs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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