Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
