if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
