Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
