Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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