just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
