I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
