I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
