theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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