i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
