She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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