I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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