so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
