nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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