Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
