Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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