She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
