i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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