Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
