I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
