Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
is it fun? or sober?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
