I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All the doctor said was why
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
