i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize