I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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