The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
