you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
