I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
