are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
