im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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