I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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