Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
