Little spoons don't ask big questions
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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