Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
