You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
