i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
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Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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