went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
