Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize