Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
