You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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