party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
