is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
