well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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