whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
