Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
